Charlie II

Thanks loads Myth and Author13, I've made the changes and I think it's got a lot better. Thanks for the warning about too much repetition, I'll try to watch out ...

Thanks Lilyy03 and Shafter. I've made the changes you suggested and I'll have a look at the beginning when I work out where this story is going :? . I'll ...

Thank you very much HeadInTheClouds, I'm sorry that I haven't written enough but it's a bit of a work in progress. I've made the changes that you highlighted and feel ...

Thunder boomed as lightning raced across the darkness of the midnight sky. Rain poured upon the soot black tiles of the terraced houses in the street and pounded a steady ...

Ooooh! Nice! fading from the deep golden colour that had seeped in to them I think you want 'into' there. His gaze was drawn to the Crystal in the centre ...

- and it's all lies. Probably do better as 'its all lies!' Sorry, I regress. Sorry, I digress? it was my sisters' If there is only one sister it should ...